Footprints Left on the Heart
by freedandelion
Summary: AU; After a tragic turn in the life of Katniss Everdeen, she leaves the only home she has ever known. After four years pass, Katniss bumps into her former boyfriend, rising star Peeta Mellark, in her new home of Panem City. Will their pent up emotions from years before bring them together or will they finally let one another go?
1. The Last Straw

**Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.**

Singer/Pianist Katniss Everdeen and rising star Peeta Mellark bump heads once again after four years. Will time in Panem City help them revisit their past or will wounded scars continue to be in the way?

I do not own any of the characters or The Hunger Games-Suzanne Collin is the sole owner.

* * *

You know that gut feeling in your chest when you don't want to cry?

The hurling sensation in the back of your throat and the tightening in your chest?

The way your whole body just wants to whisk away because if you stand one more moment you're going to shred into a millions pieces?

The whole world around you is going so fast and you're being left behind and it hurts; it startles you and you just want everything to go away. You want everything to stop for a moment and regain who you are. Remember what you're supposed to be. Because this isn't it... this isn't what life was supposed to give you, but this is what you were handed.

The surreal feeling of everything coming to an end just because you were 'lucky'. Because you were fortunate. Because the odds were in your favor.

Then everything hits you like a ton of bricks and your body begins to tremble.

And if you don't get the hell out now, you feel as if you're going to lose it at any moment?

_That's me._

It took one last straw for me to figure out that I couldn't be here any longer.

And that last straw was seeing my baby sister placed six feet under.

The last straw was seeing the words 'In memory of Primrose Everdeen'.

The last straw was hearing the sobs for her. The way her boyfriend crouched in front of her tombstone and wept his heart out, whispering "It shouldn't have been you. You didn't deserve this Primrose. You deserved to be here right now smiling at the world with your golden smile. You gave the world everything and you were…. You were so perfect, Primrose. I love you so much. You didn't need this….."

I didn't stay to hear the rest of Rory Hawthorne's words.

I kicked off and ran to my home. I ran up to my room and packed everything I could see.

The house was going up for sale in a week; anyways, anything in here was going to get sold. There was no way I would keep any of this, any of these memories, any memories of when I had a family.

As I shove my bags of clothes, shoes, blankets, and necessary needs into the boot of my car.

I sink into the driver's seat and just let myself take a breath.

_Gale and Johanna will be okay._

They're a happily engaged couple that won't need me. Both of my best friends are going to set the world with raging, passionate fire.  
Gale's stubborn's will push Johanna to take a stand for things, and Johanna's sense of humor will make Gale lighten up when it comes to situations.

They'll balance each other out; they're perfect for each other.

_Sae will be okay_.

She'll be great with both Rue and Thresh running The Hob with their hands. They're perfect at everything they do. They won't let her down ever.  
And now Clove can get all the hours she always wanted from me.

_Madge will get through everything; she always has._

She'll continue off and go to NYU and get her Law Degree. She's had this planned since we were toddlers running around in the dry grass, as she would tell everyone to be nice to her because one day she'll be the President of The United States.

_And my boyfriend, the one other person I'm sure I'll always love._

He'll be okay.

Peeta will be okay.

Peeta will be rocking out soon enough.

According to Gale, the moment Peeta found out about the accident he dropped everything and rushed to our small town of 9,000. He was at my side for everything for the past week. Except for the day of the funeral.

Peeta had a commitment and even though he wanted to stay, he had to keep his word.

Peeta's a man of his word.

I told him I'd be fine since his band is finally getting signed to a record label, and he'll be whisked away to places all around the world.

How can't they?

They're goddamn amazing. Peeta's the writer of every single song as he should be. It's always amazed me how Peeta can interpret words into music; the way his lyrics make you feel.

I won't be surprise if he gets a Grammy in his name one day.

_They'll be okay_, I repeat in my head whispering my goodbyes.

They'll all be okay.

My hands turning red and shades of purple from my grip on the wheel, as the past two weeks of my life begin to unfold in front of me.

* * *

Everything happened so abrupt that I couldn't tell you if it was real or not real.

It was early morning when my eyes woke to a bright, white light. My body shuddering in pain, feelings of deep-cut stabs across my back, my dry-cracked mouth opening from the quench of thirst.

The first person I heard and saw was Peeta, his voice so small that it sounded as if I were underwater.

When he whispered, "Kat?" all that escaped my lips was a measly groan.

They didn't tell me right one did. Not until I screamed for Primrose.

That's when I knew it; I felt it in the pit of my stomach, in the base of my heart, that she was gone.

We were hit by a drunk driver on our way home, swerving into a nine foot tree. My parents died on impact. and they didn't feel a thing. Their lives were split away the moment the car hit the tree.

My sister was another story.

My sweet sixteen year old sister was still fighting for her life the moment the ambulance showed up. She made it a whole day after the accident but as she was admitted into the ICU, her fragile body was torn too much for her sake.

She didn't make it.

Her life was taken away almost 27 hours after the accident happened.

She followed my parents into the afterlife. She followed them while leaving me behind, all of them leaving me behind with no one but myself.

I was told I was lucky to be sleeping as we made our two hour ride back to Glenwood Springs from Denver. I was told that since I had no recollection of what was going on my body didn't tense the way Prim's did. My body just swung with the car and was left with ugly scars across my face, bruises across my body, and a screwed-up knee.

Peeta spent every single moment with me. He never went home except to shower maybe twice, and came right back to the hospital waiting around in the lobby until he was allowed to see me again.

After a long agonizing days, I was finally set free on conditions of physical therapy for my knee and pills that my body needed for the pain.

I begged Peeta to take me anywhere but home, and so he did.

Peeta drove me to his house were we spent the next week of the middle of July together; every waking moment wrapped in the warm presence of the Mellarks.

His family welcomed me with open arms and did everything possible to make me feel at home, fattening me up with sweet after sweet.

Mr. Mellark would fill me up with stories on his boys when they were younger, laughing and smiling at their antics growing up. Stories that filled me up with glee. I've always know Peeta was a goofball, but to the extend that Mr. Mellark explained him made my cheeks hurt from smiling.

Thomas, the oldest brother, would bring me home new books to read. Books I would go through in a span of hours. He always picked book he had already read, so we could speak about them over pastries and tea.

Rye, the middle brother, would tell me silly jokes and bring home comedies for us to watch every single night. He's always been the one to poke fun at stuff in his family. And according to Thomas, if it wasn't for Rye pushing Peeta to finally make a 'move' on me, he would have spent the rest of his days drooling over me. So I thank Rye immensely for that.

All of them along with Peeta, encouraged me to watch anything on TV and do anything that I wanted to do.

Even Mrs. Mellark, who isn't my number one fan bit her tongue and appeared kinder the whole week leading up to my family's funeral.

My grandmother planned out the whole funeral, my mother's mom always had a knack at events, but whenever she would call I know how hard this was getting. How much she just wished the week was over, how much she wished her only daughter was still here.

What mother would ever want the responsibility of burying their own child?

In the middle of the week, I lost it.

I went bat shit and bawled my eyes out.

Peeta was taken a bit aback from the commotion but it's like he also expected it. It's was like he expected me to breakdown. And maybe everyone did, because not once did I cry.

I didn't cry when they told me about my sister.

I didn't cry when they told me about my parents.

I didn't cry when the doctors pressed their hands into my hurt back or tried to move my knee.

But in front of Peeta, I was finally letting go and feeling everything I suppressed.

Everything came crashing down on me, that between choked sobs I let myself remember them.

I finally cried for my mother, who's voice I will never hear again, who I will never be able to bicker with whenever we would come down at each other's throats, who would hum off-key while cleaning the dishes, who loved each one of us with every ounce of her heart.

I cried for my father, who always lit up the room with his funny jokes and easy nature, who I will never be able to go swimming with or take hike with any longer, who would sing happy birthday on our birthday loud and proud. I cried for the man who showed me what love was.

I cried for my sister.

I cried for my sixteen year old sister who was just beginning life, who had just discovered her first boyfriend- her first teen love.

My sister, who will never be able to explore more of the world, or be able to attend prom, or walk across the stage of her graduation, who won't be able to choose a career, or become a person. Become someone worth living.

I cried for every single one of them because it wasn't fair.

They were the perfect three out of the family. They looked at every single day with a new chance at something. They expressed love and fairness with their persona. They were still supposed to be here.

I cried because it felt like they were robbed.

And of course they were, they were robbed from life.

I cried until sunrise and I cried until noon. I cried until my heart couldn't hold it any longer. All while Peeta hugged me through it all, whispering words of love into my ear.

"Always," he told me. "I'll always love you. I'l always be here for you. I'll always be yours."

_Always._

* * *

It took me a bunch of gas, money, hours, and time.

But after an eighteen hour ride, I had made it to my destination. I grabbed a couple of my lighter bags as I rang a bell outside of the building. My heart pounding as I began to realize how stupid this whole trip was.

_What if he doesn't care? What if-_

My are thoughts interrupted as the bronzed hair man I desperately needed walks in front with a perplexed look on his face.

"Katniss?" Finnick wiped his eyes as if he were dreaming. "What's going on?"

Then his sea-green eyes shift down to see my bags, then he sees my splotchy face, and nothing else needs to be said.

But I say it anyways.

"Finnick. I need a place to stay."

* * *

_There are things that we don't want to happen,_

_But have to accept._

_Things we don't want to know,_

_But have to learn._

_People we can't live without,_

_But have to let go._

**to be continued.**


	2. Finnick Odair

_**Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.**_

Singer/Pianist Katniss Everdeen and rising star Peeta Mellark bump heads once again after four years. Will time in Panem City help them revisit their past or will wounded scars continue to be in the way?

**A/N****: **If you have read the book _Where She Went by Gayle Forman the inspiration to this story will stick out to you. I love both Mia and Adam as much as I love Peeta and Katniss. Along the way of reading__ Where She Went, it stuck out to me how much they go together. So, this story is in fact__ loosely based. You__ may__ call this a "crossover" between both __THG and __WSW._

P.S, I also did make Primrose sixteen in the last chapter, meaning her and Katniss were only two years apart when she passed away. I thought it'd be appropriate for her to begin dating and have her first love at the age of sixteen rather than fourteen.

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_Finnick and I used to be neighbors._

We used to roll around in grass along with our friends and chase each other, climb up trees, and throw rocks at everything. He used to call me 'sassy pants' or 'girl on fire' because of the way I talked and the way I dashed from place to place.

After his single mother passed away, Finnick's aunt Mags decided to step up and take care of him. Finnick and I were seven when he was taken away from our small town. Finnick and I promised to be best friends no matter what.

We kept our promise.

As we both started to learn new words and take classes in our schools, we would send mail to each other. Then as we received computers in our homes, we would e-mail each other. Then whenever my dad would take trips to hunt, we would spend at least half a day in Panem with Finnick.

His aunt Mags never minded, she loved seeing her boy happy after everything he went through. As I became older and received my first cell phone, we would talk everyday for hours.

I would share stories on Madge and tell him about our friends like Johanna, Gale, Thom, Rue, Thresh. Sometimes I even shared a thing or two of his old school crush Clove.

Then in the middle of my freshan year of high school, I told him about the new boy who had just moved to town from Colorado Springs. I talked about his memorizing blue eyes, the dainty small freckles on his nose, the way his eyes crinkled whenever he chuckled. I told Finnick how smart and poetic he was. I shared the pictures he would draw in art class, and the way he would defeat almost everyone in wrestling, coming one place behind his older brother.

Finnick teased me all the time; saying how I should '_keep it in my pants_' because of the way I would talk about him.

But who could blame me? Our small school didn't get new students often, and never new students like _him_, never like a guy like Peeta Mellark.

As time began to progress, I would tell him about bigger things: our first date, our first kiss, our sneak-outs, our hopes, our dreams, our acts of sexual activities that would make my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

I would tell Finnick _everything,_ and he would tell me everything back.

We continued to be best friends after years of being away from each other.

* * *

A week or two before I arrived, the girl Finnick was falling in love with committed suicide.

She was heavily prescribed, and after years of physical and mental abuse, she lost it.

She started to go further and further down the tube of depression.

She was always shied from on his campus of U of Panem. It wasn't like no one tried, according to Finnick, it's that she was used to being called things like - crazy, stupid, ugly, 'Mad Girl', that she never really gave anyone the chance.

But no one really seemed to try to get the attention of the shy girl; no one except for Finnick.

Her name was Annie.

Finnick told me how when Annie was growing up, she witnessed her brother murdered at the hand of her father. Who, that night, was drugged out of his mind. And that was when she was "rescued" from Child Service - he says the word rescued loosely. Because when people began to notice her patterns of distrust, her patterns of hiding in small places like corners, or behind her door.

She was always given back and placed into foster home after foster home.

Finnick told me she was bullied a lot growing up because she never had nice enough clothes, because she never had nice enough hair, because she wasn't pretty enough.

Annie would only tell him these things whenever she was actually herself, or whenever she wasn't dazed from pills or just so sad.

And it hurt him to see her so unlike herself when she was.

The years of abuse got to her and she just wanted an out. She wanted to be free from this world. She wanted an escape.

I stumbled upon the letter she wrote once when he was curled on the couch.

"She said she loved me, Katniss." Finnick bawled. "I should have told her when I had the chance. Maybe she would be here right now. Maybe she would have been okay."

All I did was hold him, until dusk, until dawn, and until the sun began to rise.

Finnick cried and banged his head against my chest as he threatened all the assholes that ever made Annie feel small.

And I let him, I didn't give him words of reassurance. I didn't pat his back to tell him everything was going to be okay. Because that's not what Finnick needed or needs. What he needed was closure and get his pent up anger out.

What he needed was to grab a vase and shove it against the wall.

He needed to rage, and that was okay.

And that's when we became _each other's_ need.

Because just like me, Finnick understood how it was to feel guilty that we were still here.

Finnick who every single person he loved died and left him behind. All left him in the shadow as they escaped to eternity.

All left him like my family left me.

Finnick didn't know about my family's death until I popped up in front of his apartment building, like I didn't know that he lost Annie.

So Finnick understood.

We didn't walk eggshells around each other. We didn't sympathize or give each other looks of sorry.

He got it.

I got it.

We were in this together as a team.

I told him everything about that last two weeks of my life, like he told me everything about Annie. We shared and talked, and did everything together while we lived together. Finnick inherited everything of Mags a while back, so the condo was his.

On the fourth day of settling down with Finnick I decided to turn on my phone. I had a million text messages, calls, and voice mails. But they were all ignored.

Until I sucked up my nerves and decided to call home.

I started with Gale, then Johanna, then Madge, then Rue, then Thresh, then Sae, and they all understood. They all told me to get away for a while, keep my head up high and kick some Everdeen ass in Panem.

Then eventually I called Peeta.

He didn't hesitate from screaming my name into the phone when he heard my voice.

"I thought something horrible happened to you Katniss!" he cried. "Please, never do that ever again!"

I promised.

We talked for a good hour as I apologized numerous times. We made promises on seeing each other over the holidays, over spring break, over the upcoming summer. We promised to write back and forth and to keep each other posted. We promised and said I love you over and over again until it was time to go.

As the summer was fluttering away, we began to get the chilly days of September, where tree along the park began to change colors: red, brown, and orange. I wasn't used to not having trees beyond trees around me. It got some getting used to actually living in a big city, living in a two million populated place. But I got used to things.

I started forming routines.

* * *

Finnick and I became routine.

Sometimes we will curl up on a couch together and watch endless marathon of Harry Potter, or any new show arrival on Netflix. Or we will play board games and make up new rules to them. Or we will play _Words with Friends _whenever he's bored at school and I'm bored at work. Or we will take walks together and go on jogs. And even sometimes we'll take time to cook dinner together, or at _least_ try.

We are probably the worst cooks in the Panem area.

We like to read the same books and we like to give each other songs to listen to.

Most of the times, when the sun goes down and the moon comes up, we will curl up around one another in each other's bed, taking turns on whose room. I'm not Finnick's perfect match; I don't perfectly fit into his side like I wish I could, but he keeps me at ease, he keeps me away from my night terrors.

And I help him too.

Some days, I feel as if I can't get a wink of sleep because everything just feels so horrible and so wrong.

And some days, everything just gets so hard for him that he can't even begin to make sense of anything. He'll stay in the fetal position and work on knots with his favorite piece of rope string.

That's when I'm there dragging him off of bed because I'm the kick in the ass he needs.

As for school, Capitol gave me my first semester off. When they heard the news about my family, they encouraged time off. That I could take a year if I really wanted. But I refused, I promised them and myself that I would get everything together by January.

Finnick smiled and told me that, "Of course you will, Kat. You're strong."

Capitol even found so many more options for scholarship that they turned me to. All I had to do was write a couple 500 hundred word essays on why I needed them, or why I deserved them, and an extra prompt on the website.

When I felt like it, I got around to doing them before their deadline and I got the money.

The chest pain became lighter, my world didn't feel so blue, and my heart didn't break whenever I saw families eating together.

I began to take happiness in small things like a cup of coffee from the Starbucks I started to work at, or bird flying across the ocean blue air.

I began to receive my attitude back and it shined whenever my boss, Haymitch, threw things my way.

My feelings weren't tattered with sadness anymore.

I made phone calls back to Glenwood Springs on my knee and they transferred everything over to the Panem's Hospital, about eighteen minutes away, where they accepted my dad's medical benefits that I was still able to receive. I slowly began to start the physical therapy I was supposed to and my knee slowly but surely began to recover

I was given therapy for the trauma that I received, going to therapist after therapist - every single one telling me the same thing over and over again.

I also tried grief counseling with Finnick. We would go together whenever we wanted to. There were different dates and times when we were allowed to go, and when we struck up the mood we went. It was more for Finnick then me. He was at ease talking to others, expressing himself to crowd that didn't really know him. I don't open up as easy, I'll nod or say a word or two. But those people don't know me, and they never will know me. I don't need them judging my life.

After losing everything, I started to become someone again.

Panem made my life feel lighter.

I was able to breathe once more.

I'm not the same person I was before the accident. I never will be, and Finnick won't be either.

But then again who's the same person for the rest of their lives?

* * *

_When you feel that you have reached the end,_

_And that you cannot go one step further._

_When life seems to be drained of all purpose,_

_What a wonderful opportunity to start all over again,_

_To turn over a new page._

**to be continued.**


	3. It's You

_**Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.**_

Singer/Pianist Katniss Everdeen and rising star Peeta Mellark bump heads once again after four years. Will time in Panem City help them revisit their past or will wounded scars continue to be in the way?

_**A/N:**_The little quotes on the bottom will usually never be mine - they'll most likely be quotes from my favorite authors.

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_**4 Years Later – August**_

I crawl out of Finnick's queen size bed. Carefully and slowly, I let my feet fall onto the ground as I peel the comforter off of me. I grab my loose ponytail holder and throw my hair into a messy bun. I'll probably keep it this way when I go off to school. It's my signature 'I don't give a fuck how I look' look.

Classic.

"What would you like for lunch?" Finnick pops his question as I walk into the kitchen; he's munching on his favorite cereal, Frosted Flakes.

The back of my hands run across my eyes as they get used to the lighting, "Are you cooking Mr. Odair?" I arch a single eyebrow.

"Well, I got these from the library," he sets down his spoon while he grabs at his bag. "And, it's also your last semester before you graduate!" he gives me a wide toothy smile. "Ms. Katniss Isabella Everdeen will be a double major by the end of December! So, I wanted to make something nice for you."

Finnick sets two perfectly laminated cookbooks out in front of me: _Pasta, Pasta, All You Can Eat_ and _Turn Anything into a Delight _are staring back at me as I flint my eyes to see Finnick's curious eyes staring at me.

"Pasta?" I ask, pulling the book out in front of me. "I _am_ feeling carbs today. Why don't you make lasagna?"

Finnick smiles as he skims through the table of content, "Got it," he smiles. "I'll make that right when I get home from class."

Finnick is starting his first year of grad school on Panem, and he's on his way to becoming a child psychologist.

"Thank you. You know you really don't have to cook for me?"

He nods, "But there's a difference between _not having to_ and _wanting to_. I want to, Kat," he winks.

I smile, reaching over to the piles of papers he has set up on our island, "Fine, just because I like you. Umm… Where's the newspaper?"

"Oh," Finnick raises his eyebrow. "I don't know."

"Seriously?" I flip through our mail. "We always get it. Did our subscription end?"

"I don't know," Finnick shrugs. "It's probably nothing important anyways."

"What?"

"Probably nothing important in the newspaper," he shrugs once more, shifting away his eyes to meet mine.

Finnick gets a hold of the clicker and turns on the small 20' inch TV we have in the kitchen. He taps his fingers along the side of cereal bowl as he listens to the weather.

_He's hiding something._

"What are you hiding, Odair?"

"What?" he sputters. "Me? Hide something?"

"Finnick."

"It's nothing Katniss," he pauses. "I'd just rather you not see it."

"I'm a big girl," I smile.

"I know but—"

"Finnick," I interrupt. "Please, just show me the newspaper."

Finnick hangs his head in defeat as he jumps off of his stool and walks to one of the drawers. He pulls out the newspaper from the drawer as he slides it across the island. "Don't say I didn't try to avoid this."

My hand reaches out to the paper as I flip it to the front, the headline popping out of the bag in bold ink.

_**Band Raging Fire will be coming to Panem for a big Charity Event!**_

I suddenly can't breathe. My hands grip the newspaper strongly as I re-read the title over and over again.

Raging Fire.

Panem.

Here.

Peeta.

Me.

Peeta.

Me.

Here.

Panem.

_Peeta._

"Kat?" Finnick voice nears my ears; he grasps the newspaper out of my hands and places it onto the island. He pulls me into his arms, our fronts touching, as he strokes my back and places his head into the crock of my neck. "That's why I didn't want you to see it Kat. I don't know where you and Peeta stand anymore. You've been getting so much better. I was afraid of a set back like this."

"I'm okay," I speak against his chest. "It-It just caught me off guard."

"You might not even see him," he assures me, taking the hair-tie out of my hair and letting it fall down in waves behind my shoulders. He starts to run his nimble fingers through my hair as he always does when he's trying to comfort me.

"Do you know why they're coming?"

"No," I feel him shake his head. "I didn't want to know. I wanted to throw away the paper."

"Want to…" I pause. "Do you want to read it with me?"

Finnick pulls away from me slightly as he tucks the newspaper into his armpit pulling me into the living room with him. He plops himself down as he spread his legs and places me in between, my back to his front, and straightens the newspaper in front of us.

"Everything's on page six," he tells me. "You know we could just avoid this whole thing. Panem isn't like Glenwood Springs, we are a two million population city. Chances of seeing him are slim."

"I want to know," I encourage him. "I _need _to know."

I need to know why he's coming to _Panem_ out of all places.

I need to know if there's a chance of catching a glimpse of seeing him while he's here.

I need to know that Peeta Mellark is still Peeta Mellark. Not the Peeta Mellark I see so much on tabloids.

I'm not an idiot. I know the small things. I couldn't be called a stalker for knowing the small things of his life either, when they're plastered on every single magazine you see in the cubbies of grocery stores or on every stand.

"_Peeta Mellark and Glimmer a thing?" _

"_Peeta Mellark spotted with an unknown beauty on the back of his bike!"_

"_Peeta Mellark opens up about family life and growing up!"_

_Bang Raging Fire this. Band Ranging Fire that._

I need to know that it wasn't a mistake to let him go so many years back–when I was incapable of being a girlfriend and when I was falling apart. I need to know that it was the right thing to do when I stopped answering him, and that it was right when I gradually changed my e-mail and my phone number for him to lose contact with me.

Because I don't care if he's dating the ridiculous, pasty, beach blonde haired bimbo. I don't care that he's "spotted" out late and partying almost every day apparently. I don't care that his personality comes off as cocky and so not like him on interviews (that I've guilty watched over youtube).

Finnick's lips let out a slight sigh before his fingers peel at the corners of the newspaper, and in two seconds our eyes land on page six. "Want me to read?"

"Yes please," I mumble, knowing fully aware that I won't be able to.

Finnick coughs slightly before he begins. My eyes following every word he speaks:

_Band Raging Fire is coming to Panem with open arms for a special Charity event. Lead singer Thom Lerkin, born and raised in Panem, and lead guitarist and song writer Peeta Mellark take child disabilities close to their hearts. As a tribute to their small fans they're hosting four concerts over the span of the next two weeks. (See below for further details on tickets.) Every single ticket purchased or item sold at their concert will be donated to Panem's Hospital for an Arts Program at the local hospital…._

Finnick continues to read but I block out the words that flow out of his lip, my eyes land on a medium-sized picture at the bottom right. It's a picture of Peeta; he's leaning slightly against Cato, his eyes are closed and his fingers are plucking at the guitar strings, there's a small smile across his lip, and he looks one hundred percent in peace.

It's a look I haven't seen on any tabloids or in any Raging Fire posters. It's a look that I don't see when he's spotted with his girlfriend.

This look is _different_; it's how he always looked when he played music in front of me or when he use to play his songs in his basement.

It makes me heart swells with warmth because he's doings something he _loves_ in front of millions.

My heart swells with warmth because he looks_ happy._

_/_

I swing out a bottle of water as I step onto the city bus. My class ended earlier than usual on account that it's beyond hot. My professor just wanted to get the hell out of there. I have a feeling it will continue this way until they turn on the air conditioner, which probably won't happen since September is right around the corner.

My phone begins to vibrate as I take a sip of water. I swallow quickly before answering.

"Hello?" I answer, swiping drips of water from my lips.

"Sweetheart?"

"What Haymitch?"

"Cool it sweetheart. It's only one in the afternoon for that attitude."

"Are you going to tell me what you need?"

"Do you think you could cover part of Delly's shift for the next few weeks?" he grouches. "Girly's got some hours she has to get done at Panem's Hospital. I need someone."

"Ahh sure," I sit up, straightening my shirt. "What time?"

"She usually works from five to close," he pauses. "Want to come in around four thirty? She said she'll be able to make it in at seven. Finnick's working today too. So, either you can stay until close or leave when Delly comes in."

"I'll stay until you send me home," I answer.

"Alright."

"I'll see you in three hours."

"Yeah yeah," he replies before hanging up.

_/_

The aroma of sauce fills my nose as I walk through our front door. I kick off my combat boots and tuck in my socks into them before I make my way to the kitchen. I throw my messenger bag on the island as I observe Finnick dancing along to a song ringing through his iPod. I assume he hasn't heard me walk in, with his ear buds going to full volume, since he hasn't shifted my way since I've walked in.

I tap him on the shoulder as I lean near the stove.

Finnick's lips turn into a wide smile at my appearance; he takes out his ear buds and scoops up a bit of sauce into a wooden spoon placing it before my mouth. "Try it."

My eyes widen as the taste hits my tongue, "Did you make this?"

He nods, "Who else would?"

"But. But you can't cook!"

Finnick bursts into laughter, "Anyone can pick up a cook book, read, and follow directions Kat."

I nod sheepishly as I change the subject, "So, you're working today?"

"Yeah. And apparently so are you?" he questions.

I nod.

"Haymitch said something about Delly and you, and it got confusing so I just said okay and let the old man babble."

"Oh," I laugh. "Basically, Delly needs to finish her training hours at the hospital. So, he needed someone else."

"And he calls you?"

I nod again.

"You must be _growing _on him," he laughs.

"Hey!" I protest. "I'm likable."

"I never said you weren't," he smiles. "It's just…. "

"Yeah yeah," I stick my tongue out. "I have as much charm as a slug."

"I didn't say it," he grins.

"But you brought it uppp."

"_Maybe_," he laughs. "But I didn't say it."

"If anything he has no charm," I scowl.

"He doesn't have to." Finnick grins. "He's the boss of the place."

_/_

"You're such a tease Finnick Odair!" I argue, pushing the front door of Starbucks open.

Finnick shrugs as he walks a step behind me, "You were asking for it."

I tilt my head slightly as I scowl at him, "Right."

"Freddie, Bonnie." Haymitch grunts. "Cool it."

Finnick and I both stop in our tracks, look at each other with quizzical faces, and being to laugh at our boss.

"You should probably insult us with characters or people we know, Hay." Finnick jabs.

"Who said anything about that being from a show?" He grunts. "Get to work."

"Alright boss!" Finnick places his hand above his eyebrow in salute form.

"Let's go Finn," I laugh, smacking his back toward the back room.

"Haymitch knows I'm joking," he smiles, pushing the back doors open.

Work's faster than it usually is as it is late August. Working here for nearly four years really sets you in tune on what to expect. Beginning of June we always receive the wide range of people who are back home from out-of-state colleges, teenagers with silly sunglasses and neon colored shirts who want their cold drinks, and always the new faces who have an internships around the corner; it continues that way up until school resumes again_. _

_Now_, it's back to the faces we see the next nine months of school session.

I'm just about done with cleaning the few dishes we have when Delly pops her head through the swinging doors.

"Hey Katniss," Delly calls behind the door.

"Yes?" I tilt my head to look at her.

"You know how Haymitch says when it's pretty dead to bring them to the table?" she smiles sweetly.

I nod.

"Well it is. But I have to take the trash out and well I don't want to hand drinks after doing that. You know since the incident with Effie. I don't want to have _dirty hands_."

I groan at the thought at that woman, she's unbelievably annoying, the only person other than Delly that can handle her is Finnick. I run to the back room the moment she crosses through the front door. Effie Trinket comes to Starbucks every single day and buys the same exact thing, a tall skim fat free coffee of I don't know what.

"_I'm watching my figure_," she pointed out one afternoon.

I keep betting my money that she has the hots for Haymitch. Every time he's around, she practically eye fucks the hell out of him. But Haymitch's head is too far up his ass to notice, or maybe he does and just doesn't want to give her the time of day...

I snap out of my thoughts as Delly's voice rings through the air.

"Can you give some people their coffee?"

"Don't worry Delly," I smile. "I got it."

"I don't think you'll mind anyways," she grins. "These boys are _so_ attractive. I almost forgot how to make the drinks by looking at them,' she laughs, smacking her forehead with the palm of her head.

I shake my head as I place the green smock on," I'll have to be the judge of that."

I push the doors open while Delly instructs me that they're on the closest counter. I nod toward her as I swoop the green tray into my hands. I move from the counter and notice it is pretty dead right now. Then again, it's an hour until we close. By eleven, I'll be cozy warm in my bed or Finnick's, depending who needs the comfort tonight.

I put the nicest smile I possibly can while I try to ignore the rowdy voices I hear as I get closer. I glance up to see five guys causally dressed huddled around one of our round tables, some are sitting on their seats backwards and other are leaning all the way back on them with one foot crossed over the other.

My heart skips a beat the moment my ears hear a booming laughter fill the air around me. A laugh I would never be able to forget-one I can recognize from anywhere.

My heart tightens in my chest as I move closer and closer.

_Come on, Katniss. Keep moving._

I take a deep breath as I cough slightly, gaining most of their attention as they look up with curious eyes and smiles.

I notice crystal blue eyes shift from a phone before glancing back down once more.

Then, Peeta's body freezes as he does a double take on my appearance. "Kat?"

I blink.

"Katniss Everdeen?" Cato hollers. "Wow, I haven't seen your pretty little face since we were seniors!"

I bite the inside of my mouth as I place the tray in front of them.

I begin to recite the orders as each one of them raises their hand to indicate which one is theirs.

I don't even read out Peeta's order, I just place it in front of him.

_Soy French Vanilla Latte._

It's been the same for years.

"Here you go," I smile uneasy. "If you need anything else, Delly will be happy to assist you when she comes back."

I back away slowly before I hear the mutter of my name one more time from someone's lips. I ignore it completely, running to the employee bathroom as I shut the door. My back hits the wall as I slide down a bit at a time. My head goes into my knees as I curl into a small ball.

He's still beautiful… like he's always been.

* * *

_You can love someone so much..._

_But you can never love people as much as you can miss them._

**to be continued.**


	4. I've Got to Go

**Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.**

Singer/Pianist Katniss Everdeen and rising star Peeta Mellark bump heads once again after four years. Will time in Panem City help them revisit their past or will wounded scars continue to be in the way?

**A/N:** Wow, I haven't been on fanfiction net for a few months and they change so many things. Sorry for people who have pm about updates. I've been so busy lately, that I can barely find time to breathe. But thanks for the encouraging words! It's the best.

Anways, enjoy! Tell me what you think (always), I want to know if you guys are content (or not) with my writing.

* * *

A small light knock from the other side of the door makes my head come out of my knees. I shoot up from my position as I stumble over to the sink and splash freezing water onto my face, then proceed to wipe it with a paper towel. I crack open the door and just as I'm about to apologize, I feel rough arms around my shoulders taking me in.

"I told Haymitch you've been feeling under the weather," Finnick's soothing voice speaks. "Come on, I told him we were going home."

"How'd you know?" I ask against his solid chest then peering up to meet his eyes.

It's a loaded question but Finnick knows how to read people, and mostly _me_ out of all people.

"I may have never met him in my life," Finnick gives his best Glenwood Springs accent. "But I sure do know how that boy looks like."

I laugh at his antics, "I'll be okay, you know? We don't have to leave."

"Nonsense little lady," he quirks his lips into a half smirk. "It's barely dark out so we can walk off the anxiety."

"Okay okay," I say, letting out a sigh. "Let's go."

Finnick lets me follow him through the back room as we weave through the stools and tables Haymitch keeps back here. We place our jackets onto our backs for the small breeze we'll face, and we both say our goodbyes to Haymitch and Delly, she gives both of us a big hug while Haymitch just nods at both of us.

Finnick wraps his arm around my waist, and lets his eyes shoot up to look toward the direction I assume Peeta and his band are. I can tell because Finnick does the thing where he sizes people up.

I, on other hand, ignore that general direction.

"Oh crap!" I announce as we inch closer and closer to the door. "Wait."

"What?" he asks, stopping to look down at me.

"I forgot my cell," I smile shyly. "Kind of need it."

"Then go on and get it, Kat," he laughs. "I won't go anywhere."

When we begin to walk through the street Finnick strikes up conversation to ease my heavy mood.

"You know," Finnick begins, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I can tell why you loved the guy; he's as cute as a button."

I burst out into laughter as I secure my bag tighter onto my shoulder. "Sorry for the news but he's taken."

He nods with a grin across his face. "Yeah, I know by Genesis Alvadia."

"No," I shake my head, confused. "His girlfriend's name is Glimmer?"

"She used to go to Panem Uni, Kat." Finnick laughs.

"She did?" I tilt my head in confusion.

"She was majoring in Theater She auditioned for some action movie that starred Gloss and Cashmere, and well as you can guess she got the part. She dropped out of college and has been living the '_high life'_ of Hollywood ever since."

"So you know her?" I ask.

"We dated."

"What?!" I stop in my tracks, my bag falling from shoulder to the ground as I turn to face Finnick. "You dated Glimmer?"

"Yeah," he laughs awkwardly, turning to face me and to look at my surprised expression. "When she went by Genesis, we dated for half a year or so before she got her big break. We broke up a week before her big premiere."

"_Why_?"

"Why did we date, or why did we break up?" Finnick asks.

I bite my lip before answering. "Both, I guess."

"She had too high of expectations on everything. She was losing to this odd game of the movie industry, and her manager Snow changed her completely. First it was her hair, it used to be a soft-dirty blonde, it was nice color on her but then she went beach blonde. Then her eyes, she began to wear these green contact twenty-four seven when they're actually hazel."

"I never knew that."

"Yeah, and she also began to dress in _very sexy_ clothes—sleek and revealing. And that was not like her. Gen's, or sorry I mean _Glimmer_'s, favorite things to wear were always leggings, big sweaters, and gym shoes. Not high booty shorts, tall heels, and half shirts. I started to lose the Gen that I knew, and once she insisted that I called her Glimmer, and when she officially changed it to _Glimmer_ weeks later. I knew she was gone."

"Wow," I stare at the floor in puzzlement.

_Can an industry really change people that much?_

I hadn't noticed I said that out-loud until Finnick answered my question.

"I guess an industry like _that_ can."

"I'm so sorry, Finn." I move closer to stroke his cheek.

"Eeeeeh," he grins, placing his hand over mind. "Shit happens."

I giggle, grabbing my bag and throwing it over my shoulder once more. "So…" we continue to walk towards our home. "Would you ever take her back if she changed?"

"I don't think so," he shrugs.

"Why?"

"Too much damage; we wouldn't be good for each other anymore…"

"Would you take back Peeta?" Finnick pokes the question back.

"I don't know." I answer, scuffing my converse against the cement. "Part of me wishes I would have at-least stayed in contact with him, but the other part of me is happy I didn't."

"Hmm."

"Small world, isn't it?" I begin to laugh loudly, a snort escaping my nose.

"What is?" Finnick questions.

"Our exes are dating each other!" I laugh. "It just… It _would_ happen to us."

Finnick joins in on my laughter—meaning he agrees.

The rest of the walk home is soothing, and he tells me all about his day at school and his new favorite professor.

Finnick and I kick our shoes and coats off throwing them toward their rightful place. I peel of my work shirt as I grab at one of my sweater hanging on our small table near our front door.

"So that Peeta boy still seems to have feelings for you," Finnick lightly says, moving toward the kitchen and pulling out a box of popcorn. "Butter or no?" he asks.

"Butter." I answer. "And what the heck are you talking about?"

"He looked like he wanted to rip me to shreds," he laughs, shrugging. "You know… while you were grabbing your phone. I turned to get a good view of him—to size him up and all."

"You did not!"

"_Did so_ and his eyes looked so angry and possessive."

"They did not!"

"They _do so_," he smirks. "The best thing was putting my arm around you and seeing his nostrils fume. He still has it bad for you."

"You're lying!"

"Now Katniss, does it seem like I would ever lie to you?"

"I don't know?!"

The whole thing just seems so ridiculous. This is the most I've seen Peeta Mellark in four years, and of course he has some sort of reign over me—where I want to know everything about him and where I don't.

_I'm just so confused._

"Kat, I'm not saying this to upset you. It's just the guy seems to still care about you." Finnick responds, grabbing a large red bowl and pouring the freshly popped popcorn from the microwave into it.

"Well, would you be if your ex-girlfriend cut you out of her life?" I squeak.

"If I loved her, I would."

I nod.

"Come on," he grabs my arm, pulling me into the living room. "Want to watch Caesar's talk show? I always record it."

"Sure, he always has great guests on. But let me grab the drinks first. Um, lemonade or coke?" I ask.

"Coke!" he replies, grabbing the clicker and punching buttons in.

I slide across our kitchen floor with my socks, bumping into our refrigerator as I skim it.

"Alright," Finnick pushes in numbers for the channel.

_Orange Juice. Apple Juice. Fanta. Beer. Why do we have beer? Milk. Aha!_ Coke.

I hand Finnick his coke as I plop down beside him. I kick my feet up against our small coffee table and lean against his shoulder.

"Who's on?" I ask.

"Right now Brutus," he replies. "Later on, I don't have a clue. It's doesn't say."

"It must be one of those 'Surprise Celeb!' segments he has. What day is it?"

"Monday," he smiles.

"It is then!" I grin. "It's something he does for people to look forward to on Mondays."

"Smart guy," Finnick mumbles, mouthful of popcorn.

"I'll say," I giggle.

We both idly munch and chew as we watch the host graciously try a new recipe from one of his guest. Laughing and joking along with the guest. Finnick and I cease our talking as we focus our eyes on the screen.

"Now our 'Surprise Celeb' of week!" Caeser's announce, his pearl white teeth gleam. "Reveal yourself!"

* * *

Applause erupts as a tall, stocky, blonde man walks out a set of doors. He has a light black leather jacket one, with a gray shirt, and denim jeans. His hair is tossed to the side in wave and his crystal blues eyes meet the camera, so he winks. He has a huge grin across his face as he greets Caesar, he waves toward the audience, and sits himself down.

It hurts to breathe all of a sudden, it hurts to breathe so much. Especially since I just saw the guest a couple minutes ago.

"Peeta Mellark! Long time no see, huh?"

"Oh, it's only been a couple months Caesar," Peeta replies, crossing his left leg over his right.

"I hear you and your band are ready for a charity event. Here in our very own City of Panem," Caesar winks. "Now what that brought about?"

"Yeah," Peeta grins, his hand moving as he speaks. It's a habit he's always hand, and has never been able to break. "Thom and I are really big on pushing money towards any Arts Programs because it really is what brought us to be who we are."

"Is that how you got your start? With an art program?"

"Yeah," Peeta nods. "Where I grew up, they had many school on painting, music, drawing, etc., and I certainly know if it's wasn't for growing up in a community with that, I wouldn't be where I am today."

"And it started with a letter from a fan, am I correct?"

"Yes, this small girl from here, with the name of Levvy sent me fan mail a couple weeks ago. She talked about how much she loved all our songs, how whenever she went through rounds of chemo, and had to stay at her bedside she'd beg her mom to bring in her iPod—where, if you can believe it, she would listen to Raging Fire. She talked about being such a big fan, and how her 'Make-A-Wish' wish was to meet us," he pauses and smiles.

A picture in the screen behind them appears of a small olive-skinned girl, her head completely shaven off, but there she is smiling and laughing with the band members at her side.

"That's her, correct? Levvy?"

Peeta nods, "We met her last week, and she told us that the hospital doesn't have enough funding for music or arts, she was telling us how it's enjoyable to listen to music."

"And that brought on the charity event?"

"Of course it did. It just…" Peeta pause. "It _really_ got me and Thom thinking like 'Wow, our music does something to kids in hospitals.' After meeting Levvy, who is such a fantastic girl, we talked to the hospital and asked about their programs. They told us that they just didn't have the funding for it, and it was something that wasn't looked as required—which at the end of the day in a hospital probably isn't, And we really wanted to do something, so we asked if we donated money, would they do something for kids? And they said yes, so we came up with concerts."

"Wow!" Caesar exclaims. "That's awfully generous of you two!"

"I don't really call it generous," Peeta shrugs. "It's doing something right for us. All of us are so lucky to have the opportunities we had as kids. So in our minds, no kid should ever be denied the ability to distract themselves with a little bit of art."

"So Peeta tell me," Caesar grins, obviously changing the subject. "What was the inspiration of the songs you've written over the years?"

"What do you mean?" Peeta smiles from ear to ear, graciously locking eyes with Caesar.

"What was your go to feeling or experience?" Caesar asks. "I know there's so many artist and writers who always go back to one moment where they know it will take something out of them, and hit that spot to just write a song."

"Ahhh." Peeta smiles, nodding understandingly. "To be honest, I don't have a go to feeling," he laughs. "That's awesome to everyone who has one because that would totally come in handy for me. But it's usually when I wake up from dreams or I can't go to bed when I just grab my guitar and begin writing," he shrugs. "It calms me down, and once I find a new rhythm or lyrics, I tie two and two together until I have a song."

"That must drive your roommate insane when you're on tour, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, "Peeta chuckles. "Uh, there are a lot of them when I really _cannot_ go to sleep and I'm not a fan of sleeping pills. So I just let myself get exhausted and eventually fall asleep."

"Why not the fan of sleeping pills?" Caesar prompts. "Those work miracles for me!"

"I don't know," Peeta shrugs. "It's just, I don't like pills."

"Ahh," Caesar nods, switching the subject. "Who gets the bad end of the stick on your sleepless nights?"

"Cato. I room with Cato," Peeta continues. "And he's really the one that gets _it bad._ There was this one instance when I grabbed my acoustic guitar from my case and just really stared jamming out and singing." Peeta chuckles, shaking his head. "So I'm in my bed just giving it my all, singing and rocking out, and the next thing I know there's a fuming Cato coming at me and swearing and throwing pillows and just really screaming," he laughs again and continues, "It came to the point where Thom and Darius had to come in and break up our argument because we were literally nose to nose yelling at each other, swearing, call each other name I cannot say on_ television_, just seriously going at it. Thom had to grab Cato and tackle him to floor because he just didn't want to give up."

The audience laughing at Peeta's story the whole time.

"But Cato can't mad, can he?" Ceaser shakes his head. "You songs are what have put all of you up on the billboards week after week."

Peeta grins. "I mean, I put myself in his shoes and Cato handled it way better than I would have. If he were the one jamming out at 3 in the morning I would have broken his guitar," he laughs. "But yeah, I don't think he's too made about us being on the charts week after week, he gets special attention from _ladies_ and brags about it to the tee."

"Because you can't?" Ceaser asks. "With your girlfriend Glimmer and all?"

"Yeah I feel like that's what it is," Peeta shrugs, the whole time talking to his hands. "Ever since we moved in together he calls me an old man, when really we're both the same age."

"Must be because he won't be moving in with any lady friend any time soon," Caesar jokes.

"Yeah maybe that's it," Peeta suggests laughing. "But really none of them are. We're all enjoying what we love together, so it's really about making music, everything else is just an added perk."

"But there's no denying Glimmer's a bonus?"

"We're good," Peeta smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "It's nice to find someone so early in your life and really enjoy yourself."

"And how did this happen? You two have just recently talked about being official, but how did it all start?"

"Through Cashmere. We have the same representative—Alma Coin, and she was telling me how they had just signed on a new girl into the business for the movie she was staring in. She told me that I should meet her and all. So I told 'Yeah, sure anytime'. A few days later, she called me and invited me and the whole band to a cook-out at her house, and that's how I met Glimmer. She really stuck to me with her charm and laugh and that's how it began."

"And now you to live together?"

Peeta laughs greatly, "Yeah, and now we live together."

"Well thank you for appearing today with us Peeta! Best of luck to this wonderful charity event, your band, and with you and Glimmer—all of you are very talented."

"Thanks for having me! And thanks for the kind words."

"Anytime you'd like to come back, do so."

"No problem." Peeta smiles.

"Peeta Mellark everybody! His band and he are in Panem for the next two weeks for charity event concerts! If you want to win free tickets and meet the band go onto our website!"

* * *

"Wow," Finnick says. "That boy does not look happy one bit."

"Huh?" I tilt my head.

"His hand movements and eyes movements, the way he shifted, and the way he spoke. He's hiding pain or anger, or a lot of emotions but he doesn't seem happy how he says."

I shrug, "Maybe he's just tired."

He gives me a pointed look, "Kat, I know how tired looks and I think you've forgot it, I study the human brain and reactions."

I shrug, "I don't see why it matter. Most celebs look the same when they speak to interviews."

"Let's go eat Pizza," Finnick changes the subject. "I don't feel like talking about Peter."

"Whatever," I say, standing up from the couch.

"Panem's Parlor?" Finnick asks as we reach the door.

"Sure."

It's a small walk from the condo we live in, so it take about five minutes to be seated and pull out our menus to order some nice, cheesy, hot pizza.

* * *

It's early morning when Finnick and I decide to head out for some breakfast food. Everything surrounds us, which is awesome, so nothing is more than walking distance away. Finnick is off walking around in front of me as I fall behind. It's normal, we usually just catch up to each other anyways. Since we both have horrible eating patterns. I'm about to pull out my phone to tell him where I'm going to be when I hear a voice talk.

"Wow, I seem to be bumping into you again."

My fingers tighten around my phone as the familiarity of the voice registers.

_I just can't escape him, can I?_

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice ask. "Can we talk?"

My eyes flicker up to meet Peeta's crystal blue, "Um, yeah. Sure." I nod.

I plop myself onto a bench nearby and Peeta does the same.

"Your hairs down," he points out.

"Yeah," I say slowly.

"That's different," he smiles. "I'm so used to it being braided."

"I don't braid it anymore really," I can't help but notice his smile fall as he loses composure. "If it's in a braid, Finn usually does it for me."

"Ahh, so the famous Finnick?" Peeta quirks an eyebrow.

"Yes," I tell him.

"So what? Are you two dating or something?" Peeta asks.

My head snaps up to look at him, his eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and I can't seem to handle it. "Why does it matter?"

"Just curious, you know, since you left our home and all to live with him," Peeta spits.

My mouth gapes open as I let his words sink in. I grab at my bag and begin to stand up as I lean over and speak directly to him. "I thought you wanted to talk, not accuse me of who I'm dating."

Peeta grabs my wrist, his eye pleading for me to sit back down. "I-I-I didn't. It's not," he flusters with his words, obviously unsure of what he wants to say. I can see the hurt in his eyes, and the trouble he's having forming words. It hurts my heart to see him falling apart in front of me, but he has no right to tell accuse me of anything. "I'm sorry. Please, Katniss," he voice begs. "Please, just sit."

"Why?" I arch my eyebrow. "So I can hear more about how you don't like Finnick?"

"It's not that, Katniss."

"Then?"

"Please?" he asks once more. "I haven't seen you in years. I just want to talk."

"Talk?" I question.

He nods.

I take a deep breath and settle back down. _No reason to make scene. _

"How are you?" he asks.

"Fine," I shrug. "I'm graduating this year."

"Ah really? Let me guess, Vocal Major?"

"Yeah," I give Peeta a tiny smile and nod. "I'm double majoring."

"Sweet," he smiles. "You've always been smart."

"Uh-huh." I nod.

We sit awkwardly for a while just letting the sound of birds, children, and honks of car horns fill the air. It's soothing, until I realize Peeta's still next to me fidgeting with his fingers.

"When did everything get so fucked?" Peeta's voice startles me, and my head snaps back to his direction. "When did I push you away, Katniss?"

"What?" my eyes widen.

_No, not this. Not here._

"What did I do to make you change everything? What did I do to you? Did I mess up? Did I not visit you enough? Did I not call, text, webcam with you enough?" his eyes looks like tears are filling to the brim. "Please, I just. I need to know what happened."

"It wasn't you, Peeta. It was—"

"Oh don't give me that," Peeta scoffs. "I must have done something to push you away."

"You did nothing wrong, I just wasn't a person anymore..."

'I thought we were going to get through this together, Katniss. You and I, like, we went through everything together. Everything."

I listen to words, they're true. We did go through everything together. "This-This was different, Peeta. I lost my whole family. I lost everything."

"Yeah, but they became my family over time too," he breathes. "Katniss. I lost them too. Then... I lost you."

"But you still had family," I raise my voice slightly. "Your parents, your siblings, your family is still in one piece. You can call them up and everything's fine, you can hear their voice whenever you'd like, and spend holidays whenever they come around... Peeta, you didn't lost your family."

"You don't think I don't miss them, Kat?"

"You can miss them, Peeta. But they weren't ripped away from you. At the end of the day, my whole family is gone. Yours is still intact, probably cheering you on whenever you take the stage."

"Katniss, that's not fair." Peeta starts.

"No, it isn't fair. It wasn't fair to have my family buried without you at my side, it wasn't fair to have to hear people cry over people who didn't deserve to be taken away from this world." a shallow breath escapes my lips. "I was depressed Peeta... That's why I pushed you away. Is that what you want to hear? Katniss Marie Everdeen was depressed, and it was a battle to get out of bed every day, nightmare after nightmare. I just. I wanted to the world to stop."

"Katniss, don't—"

"No! You wanted to know! You wanted to know! You know how easy it would have been if I was to go with them," I look at the floor as I clutch at my chest. "This, this heart wouldn't have some empty hole in it anymore. It should have been me, Peeta. It should have been fucking_ me_."

"No, Katniss." Peeta says fiercely. "Don't say that," he says, trying to pull me into a hug but I push him away.

"Don't," I put my hand over his chest. "_This_. This is why I pushed you way. Because I became this shell of a person. I didn't know how to be human anymore. I didn't know how to be a person anymore, let alone a girlfriend. I was beyond joyed that you were making it big, but I knew if I told you how I felt you would leave your band for me. I wasn't going to be the reason.."

'Katniss, I would have rather..."

"Exacty!" I nearly shriek, pushing my hand through my hair. "You would have dropped everything. I know you, Peeta. I know you damn well, and you seriously think that coming back to me would have made you this big star? Think about it. "

"It wouldn't have mattered. I would have been with the person I love."

"_Loved_," I correct him. "You have Glimmer, or Genesis now..."

"What?" He looks at my in shock. "How did you…?"

"Funny story, Finnick dated Genesis before she made it big, seems like Hollywood life caught up to her." I bite out.

"They, _what_?"

"I was just as surprised as you are." I laugh, bitterly.

"Katniss, I wanted to be there for you," Peeta says. "I wanted to give you the world."

"There was no world I wanted other than the one with my family in it, Peeta." I say, tears threatening to pour out.

It's been months since the absence of my parents and my sister has hurt so much. It's been years since I have felt completely lost with them. It not like I've forgotten, there are day when I wake up looking for them, to find out moments later that of course they're gone forever. It's just, that seeing Peeta brought a whole new level of hurt that was in my past for so long. Because I loved Peeta. My family loved Peeta. And there were moments in time when I could have sworn Peeta was going to be the one I was going to marry. But now that's long gone, I can't marry; not when the person I say 'I do' to is going to be torn away from me.

"Katniss..." Peeta says, closing in on me.

"I got to go," I say, turning on my heels, speed walking away, then the speed walk turns into a run.

* * *

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

**to be continued.**


End file.
